By Joanne R Kanute BCMCLC, AACC, CAS, CIM, Cos.
Have you ever grabbed your handbag on the way out the door to do a quick errand and thought, what have I got in this bag?? Every day an item or two we add to our bag, it isn’t long; we can’t believe how heavy it has become and can’t remember what it is we are carrying around! For that matter we can’t remember why we even have it!
Many of us are carrying a heavy bag through life, let’s take a minute to see what many are carry in their bag of life! Let’s go through our bag and see if we can lighten the load.
Are you carrying around baggage from a bad relationship of some sort, maybe it is a form of abuse you have stuffed into your bag. Abuse comes in many forms: physical, mental, sexual, financial, neglect, child, emotional or elder abuse. Oh yes, a mirror; how does your self-esteem, self-worth, self-image, self-sabotage, self-respect or self-confidence look. These are all things that can contribute to the heavy load we are carrying in our bag.
Self-esteem can be a sharp object we continue to poke ourselves with as we dig through our baggage. Do you hear the past ringing in your ears; your dumb, your fat, your ugly, you’re a failure, and you will never amount to anything! Let’s dump all of those thoughts out on the table, sort through them one by one and leave them there.
Let’s see what else we might be able to find in your baggage; rejection, loneliness, lack of communication, discouragement, etc. Many people say they feel lonely even when they are around people! Loneliness is a feeling; you can feel lonely even though you are in a crowd of people. Loneliness can be triggered by a death, divorce, bad relationship, kids gone, spouse too busy or even insecurity.
Communication is becoming a lost art! I have never heard so many people say that there is no customer service these days! Why is communication becoming a lost art? Many people are afraid to express their feelings; it may not be politically correct! Today we battle with the electronic age; cell phones, texting, messaging, videos, etc. Being a good listener is one of the greatest ways to be a good communicator. We learn more by listening than we do by talking! Many think communication is about “Fight or Flight”! True, there are situations that lead us into a “Fight or Flight” but not all communication needs to be that way. If you are strictly a “Fight or Flight” communicator, you need to step back and access your trigger points.
Rejection is a high hurdle to climb! Rejection is one of the strongest emotional challenges. The feeling of rejection can be brought on by a number of issues: parents leaving you, not good enough, can’t do anything right, social rejection, religious rejection or romantic rejection.
The ABC’s of Rejection:
A accept the facts
B believe the truth
C change your behavior
We can relive and re-experience social pain more vividly than we can physical pain – social pain connects with our feelings which make it much easier for us to remember rejection.
We’ve talked about a few of things we commonly find in people’s Life Baggage, get that bag cleaned out. We have to get the baggage under control before we can move forward in life! Don’t keep repacking the same things in your baggage. Open up your bag; dump it all out; when you can see what is in your bag it will be easier to sort. Deal with one issue at a time, then let it go!
Sometimes we need help dealing with our issues, it’s okay to ask for help! No one else can change anything in your life but you, we will help you sort through your issue and keep you on the right path. We as your coach can help you stay focused, help you keep moving forward.
“No matter how alone you think you are, God is just a prayer away.” ~ Unknown
Isaiah 41:10 New International Version (NIV)
10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.